Wake me up this time next year.....

I wish that was how I felt...Today was total crap, how much could possibly go wrong? I hate these kind of days.

1. BOTH girls missed the bus, had to take them to school.

2. Devon decides to BARF during dinner and later in the evening too, I guess that was a bonus, and now I think he has a bug of some sort. Ughhh.

3. I felt like a haggard ass hooker....ALL day long.

4. David finally webcammed and we couldn't hear him. He is still in Kuwait dammit! The connection should be decent. He looked tired and sad. Devon kept saying "Daddy in Imack" it was sad, he misses him so much. He totally lit up when he saw him.

5. Went grocery shopping and had to pry every single non-perishable out of Carson's nasty little paws....apparently he wanted to eat everything (in the store).

6. It's 11:30 and both of my Children of the Corn are still awake, like crackhead awake.

7. Today is just one of those days I hope we survive. I know we will, but I'm kinda drama like that. So humor me, K?

Tomorrow starts day number 14 of 455, whiphee fucking hoo.

Newport Wench

This summer we vacationed in Arizona and California. In California we went to San Diego and Irvine. I have family in both locations. We had a blast, and I can't wait to go back. However, I came across a woman that I just wanted to cut, yes like gangster cut. I wanted to shank the bitch. Really. So, here goes my story....

We were getting gas and a suburbanite from Newport was gassing up next to us, in her cute little SUV Lexus, with her perfect hair and perfect clothes. So, someone next to her pulls up with plates from Alaska and she says to the lady "Wow, you are far from home!" the woman tells her, "Oh, we live here, we are from Alaska" the suburbanite says "The cops don't get you for having Alaska plates?" the very patient lady replies back "My husband is in the military, we don't have to get them changed, we are stationed here". And, you know what the Newport suburbanite wench says? "Ahh, special treatment for the military? That's not fair!" I thought to myself, oh my goodness that woman is gonna get her ass beat, seriously. I was scared for her for like a split second. The military wife just looked at her as if she knew already knew how clueless this woman was, and left.

I was waiting for the wench to go on about the all expense vacations the military gives to their soldiers too. You know those 15 months they get to spend in shit hole Iraq, cause they get special treatment and all.

I'm not ready yet....

It's getting closer, it feels like my world is closing in on me. When I think about it I feel like I can't breathe. I'm not ready for him to leave again. I'm not ready to sleep alone, to put the kids to bed alone, to eat dinner alone, I'm not ready to live alone. I'm just not.

The last time he left I was three months post-par tum, I had a three month old, a 13 month old, a 6 year old, and a 9 year old. We dropped him off, we said our goodbyes, we cried like we had never cried before. You don't realize how much you love someone until you send them off to a war zone. A month later I packed our stuff up and moved home with my sister, we still kept our place here, but I moved us temporarily for eight months of the deployment. It helped to go home, but nobody understood, it was surreal to them. I plan on staying this time, we'll see how I feel a month after he leaves again. I want to be tough and strong, but I'm just not that tough.

I look back on when he was deployed, and how I worried everyday. I waited for the phone to ring, I waited for my messenger to nudge, I waited for emails, and ultimately I waited for him. We waited for him. This fucking sucks, there isn't a nice way to put it. That's how I feel right now.

OK, my bitch session is over. Sorry for such a glum post. It keeps me from taking it out on him, and that's the last thing I want to do. I know it isn't his fault. I know he doesn't want to leave us. But, I still get angry. We should all be angry.

My monthly rant....

15 month deployments? Are they kidding? Fuck them. Don't they know how hard 12 months is on families? Fuck you and the horse you rode in on Mr. Gates. Assholes.

I am very angry, David is getting out. This is bullshit.